10-4-2020 Last Load Out

Last load. Total of 2 U-Haul loads. Thank you, storage unit, for keeping my stuff safe during the past 3 months of my horrific depression.

Now I am sitting here and allowing myself to cry...I sit here now with everything in the apartment. The smell and memories of us everywhere. The questions and thoughts run through my mind. Speeding, racing, slowing down and pausing.

There are so many feelings to process in ALL of this. So much to go through in just the past few months added onto all that I faced and moved through before. All it took was truth...That is all that needed to be. And I got truth however the truth that was the opposite of what was spoken. Truth through the no action is also action and it showed me what tore apart my hopes and dreams.

There were words that triggered my Hope and Faith that he would see the Light and Fight for our LOVE through Compassion and Empathy. Like I did and still do! However, I must let go of an outcome and I will! And I believe I already know the outcome yet I must let go of even that outcome and just move on either way. Always feeling like I'm forced to move on cause life just keeps going. The World doesn't stop when anybody is in pain...The World doesn't stop when life in some way ends. "I will survive" that's been my life...I will do my best to stay away from this kind of pain.

I still feel like LOVE was ripped away from me. Yet it was all his choice to lie...The lies were the knives that worked to disguise through hiding. That was our demise. I didn't light the match that "burned bridges".